What if they had a baby

Fear instead of desire runs the show. Operating on fear is a lonely, excruciating process that leaves many immobilized. But when a decision is made from a place of desire, joy, or clarity, the experience is quite different. Making a conscious decision only after knowing what you want and why you want it is what real freedom is all about.

In my opinion, if everyone paused and pondered whether or not motherhood or fatherhood was for them — no matter how certain or uncertain they felt about the answer — the experience they would have of coming to an ultimate decision would feel more expansive and have fewer fears attached to it.

The result is gridlock in your mind, and you cannot think your way out. The goal is to know your truth about each of them. You may want to become a parent and decide not to for a variety of reasons. Deciding to have kids may not have been your first choice, but you decide conscientiously to become a parent for other reasons and not from a resentful place.

The most efficient way to make a decision is to actually put that decision-making pressure aside temporarily and focus only on your desire. What if there is a place where there is no right or wrong, good or bad answer? Sound nice? I believe one needs to have their own private, uncensored process in that kind of environment to find out what they want. I have had the great honor of providing that environment.

And I want to help you create that environment for yourself. But there are ways to get unstuck and move forward,. Begin with deciding to take a designated break one to three months from any discussion about the topic with your partner. No more thinking one way or the other. Stop trying to figure this out by making a pros and cons list.

It will keep you stuck. Write a few sentences on each one describing the sensation of how good it felt to have made them. If you have had a large tear or an episiotomy , you'll need stitches. If you have already had an epidural , it can be topped up. If you haven't, you should be offered a local anaesthetic to numb the area.

Your midwife or maternity support worker will help you wash and freshen up before you go to the postnatal ward. Postpartum haemorrhage PPH is a rare complication where you bleed heavily from the vagina after your baby's birth. It can also happen because part of the placenta has been left in your womb or you get an infection in the lining of the womb endometritis. To help prevent PPH, you'll be offered an injection of oxytocin as your baby's being born.

This stimulates contractions and helps to push the placenta out. Now read about you and your body after the birth. In this video, a midwife talks you through what will happen immediately after your baby is born.

Page last reviewed: 7 January Next review due: 7 January What happens straight after the birth? Mucus may need to be cleared out of your baby's nose and mouth. Department of Agriculture's MyPlate as a guide. Pregnancy is not the time for your daughter to go on a diet. When pregnant, some teens might be tempted to counter normal pregnancy weight gain by cutting calories or exercising excessively — both of which can seriously harm their babies.

If you suspect that your teen has an unhealthy preoccupation with her weight, talk to her health care provider. If your teen was physically fit before getting pregnant and is not experiencing any pregnancy complications, her health care provider will probably encourage her to continue exercising.

Most women benefit from getting some exercise during pregnancy, although they might have to modify their activity. Low-impact exercises, such as walking and swimming, are best. Have your daughter discuss her exercise plans with her health care provider early on. Most teens enter parenthood unprepared for the stress a new baby brings, and many experience frustration, resentment, and even anger toward their newborns — which may explain why teen parents are at higher risk for abusing and neglecting their babies.

You may want to talk with your teen's doctor to discuss ways you can help her manage her stress levels so that she can better cope with changes in her life.

She also may want to spend some time with other parents of newborns to get a better sense of what caring for a baby involves.

Your daughter's health care provider will probably recommend that she take classes on pregnancy, giving birth, and parenting. These classes some of which are held just for teens can help prepare her for the practical side of parenthood by teaching skills such as feeding, diapering, child safety, and other basic baby care techniques.

Many practical issues must be considered. Will your teen keep the baby or consider adoption? If she keeps it, will she raise the baby herself? Will she continue to go to school? Will the father be involved in the baby's life? Who will be financially responsible for the baby? The answers to these questions often depend on the support your daughter receives.

Some teens raise their child alone, some have the involvement of the baby's father, and some rely on their families for support. As a parent, you need to think about your own level of involvement and commitment and discuss it with your teen. How much support — financial and otherwise — are you willing and able to offer? Will your daughter and her child live with you? Will you help pay for food, clothing, doctor visits, and necessary items like a car seat and stroller?

A social worker or counselor can help you and your teen sort through some of these issues. If at all possible, it's best for girls who are pregnant to finish school so they can get better jobs and create a better life for themselves and their babies. And going back after quitting is especially hard, so try to offer your daughter the support she needs to stay in school — both she and the baby will benefit. Check for school and community programs that offer special services for teen mothers, such as childcare, transportation, or tutoring.

Help your teen understand that as rewarding as having a child is, it isn't always fun — caring for a baby is a huge responsibility and a lifelong commitment. Prepare her for the reality that she won't have as much time for the things she used to do — that her life is about change and the baby will take priority. As a parent, you can have a great impact on your teen's life and on her baby's.